Jun 19 2008
Bumper Stickers Can Make You Rage
Ah yes, good old internet news. Where would we be without it? And how would I have ever learned that people who personalize their cars with bumper stickers and cute doo-dads are more prone to road rage than people who prefer to drive unadorned vehicles? I guess it all makes sense. Only the disenfranchised become bullies, and sticking crap all over your car is a great way to make broad statement that you mean something to someone somewhere. Either your rotten kid is student of the month, you want to shoot people who talk on cell phones, or you don’t give a flying “F” about what people think about your driving.
I don’t go in for the art of car stickering. I prefer my cars sleek and unadorned. The only thing I willingly stick on my car is the yearly date tag from the DMV. Other than that, let’s just keep it simple. I won’t even announce to the world that I belong to AAA. It’s nobody’s damn business, and why should my car serve as a vehicle (no pun intended) for free advertising?
Do I road rage? Actually, no. Having lived in Iowa and Minnesota for almost 40 years, I fit the profile of Midwest nice. If someone cuts me off in traffic, I apologize. Heaven forbid I should put some sort of possibly offensive sticker on my car! Never! The goal of the unassuming driver is to be as low-key as possible. Stay under the radar (once again, no pun intended) and nobody will follow you home with a baseball bat taken from the gun rack of their pickup truck - or worse yet, the gun itself.
So how do I get out my normal frustrations when I drive? I use something called the “Virtual Bumper Sticker.” I make up fierce phrases and imagine them flashing in neon as I burn past the idiot who has pulled something stupid. I also make up witty retorts to silly things I read on the backs of cars. It’s akin to rooster posturing but the other person doesn’t have a clue. It’s like sticking your tongue out behind your mother’s back and getting away with it.
It’s cheap, fun, and easy to modify. Plus, it doesn’t leave marks all over your car if you decide to change your mind.
10 Responses to “Bumper Stickers Can Make You Rage”
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I have a peace sign on my VW (which has a posy in her bud vase, no less) and am trying to imagine the rage worthiness of my hippified ride. “Out of my way or I might get snitty with you!” “That’s it! No more Scooby snacks for at least 5 minutes!” “Dude, like no tailgating, okay?” ~LA
Great article! Nice to know there are drivers out there who won’t kill me if I accidentally cut them off!
Nice. I, too, don’t like to adorn my auto with bumper stickers.
i see a car with a ton of crapo bumber stickers, and i think, “what a maroon”!
I’ve always found bumper stickers extremely tacky, especially when people leave them on until they are faded to nothingness. But, I do think it would be great if people wore them on their own backs or foreheads. They could serve as a kind of warning or insight into their personality….changed daily, depending on their mood.
Coming from the midwest myself, I know precisely what you’re talking about. You’re taught to sublimate your thoughts, no matter how deserved any barbs may be (should you actually ever decide to express them. Which of course you won’t.)
I’m also all about keeping bumper stickers off my vehicle, though for enough cold hard cash I’ll drive the latest care adorned with serious advertising-age. I may be low key but I’m not stupid.
I have often wondered why people ruin their cars with those stickers.
Great article! I am a non-sticker-on-the-bumper person. They are ultra tacky, and you are pretty much ’stuck’ with them as they wreck your paint job. They are worse than the personalized license plates- ugh. Gag me with your vanity plate and your stickers…or to be easy and concise…gag me with your vanity!
I just wish I had a paint ball type of gun which would affix a sticker to any car whose driver had offended me. Cut me off, and find your car sporting a nice little “I’m an Asshole” sticker! Get enough stickers, and the cops pull your license ’cause enough people thought you were a crappy driver.
Of course, MY car wouldn’t have any such stickers, ’cause I’m such a calm driver!
I have had two in my life. Back in my Trekkie days (well, back when I admitted it), I had one that said, “Beam me up Scottie, there’s not intelligent life down her,” and One in my Conspiracy theory days that said, “Humpty Dumpty was pushed.” Not now. Never on my little silver echo. Now it’s just the RUTRO vanity plate. I have a need to be heard.