whatculture

Ah yes, good old internet news.  Where would we be without it?  And how would I have ever learned that people who personalize their cars with bumper stickers and cute doo-dads are more prone to road rage than people who prefer to drive unadorned vehicles?  I guess it all makes sense.  Only the disenfranchised become bullies, and sticking crap all over your car is a great way to make broad statement that you mean something to someone somewhere.  Either your rotten kid is student of the month, you want to shoot people who talk on cell phones, or you don’t give a flying “F” about what people think about your driving.

I don’t go in for the art of car stickering.  I prefer my cars sleek and unadorned.  The only thing I willingly stick on my car is the yearly date tag from the DMV.  Other than that, let’s just keep it simple.    I won’t even announce to the world that I belong to AAA.  It’s nobody’s  damn business, and why should my car serve as a vehicle (no pun intended) for free advertising? 

 Do I road rage?  Actually, no.  Having lived in Iowa and Minnesota for almost 40 years, I fit the profile of Midwest nice.  If someone cuts me off in traffic, I apologize.  Heaven forbid I should put some sort of possibly offensive sticker on my car!  Never!  The goal of the unassuming driver is to be as low-key as possible.  Stay under the radar (once again, no pun intended) and nobody will follow you home with a baseball bat taken from the gun rack of their pickup truck - or worse yet, the gun itself.

So how do I get out my normal frustrations when I drive?  I use something called the “Virtual Bumper Sticker.”  I make up fierce phrases and imagine them flashing in neon as I burn past the idiot who has pulled something stupid.  I also make up witty retorts to silly things I read on the backs of cars.  It’s akin to rooster posturing but the other person doesn’t have a clue.   It’s like sticking your tongue out behind your mother’s back and getting away with it. 

It’s cheap, fun, and easy to modify.  Plus, it doesn’t leave marks all over your car if you decide to change your mind.